Ever feel like that? Like you have no business doing what you are doing because you don’t know what that even is? Like maybe you have been taking yourself too seriously and then all the sudden it's like someone slapped you in the face so hard you came out of a daze. And in doing so you realized, "Holy shit. I’m a hack."
I think we all might be hacks. Like we pull pieces of things we might know about this or that and make them work for us. In our own businesses. But is that right? Should we really be hacks at this profession that really is important? A profession that's more than a bunch of moms with nice cameras? Who do in fact WORK a full time job even though you might see them during the day at the pool with their kids?
This profession isn’t actually a job. It’s a commitment. Even more than a commitment. It’s saying every day that making photographs of families, kids, weddings, women, men, children, newborns, people, culture, whatever, is important and they should be seen by the world or maybe only by a small family of 4. But no matter what the subject or genre or style, photographs are important. They are someone’s history. An entire family's history. How can I be a hack at something that is so important?
Perhaps I’m going through what is fairly normal. The “every 18 month business crisis” that is so common with photographers and creatives. We question everything, especially our own ability, frequently. And for what? What comes of that? Are we too hard on ourselves? Or is it actually a sign that we have things to improve on. That maybe it’s ok we feel like hacks because it’s leading us to really look at what we are doing. How we are doing it. Who we are doing it for.
I don’t know any of the answers. And I very probably shouldn’t even publish this. I don’t tend to get publicly vulnerable about my own business. I’m more of a “put on a good face and pretend everything is AMAZING” kind of gal. But sometimes, that’s simply not what comes naturally. Sometimes I need to feel all the things and then either laugh at myself next week for being ridiculous, or DO SOMETHING to make it different.
I think, this time, I’m going to DO SOMETHING.
I am not a hack.