there are days we live as if death were nowhere
in the background; from joy
to joy to joy, from wing to wing,
from blossom to blossom to
impossible blosson, to sweet impossible blossom.
- li-young lee
this is a beginning. this is our chance to pay attention. this is our chance to save what we really see, to remember how we feel and love. i have no idea what is next, what is waiting tomorrow, this year, but i know i get to choose who i will be when it comes. last year, at this time, i had a camera. i had a camera and butterflies in my stomach when my eyes and heart worked with the lens. i had just started to share the pictures i made, i waited for, and wished for sometimes. it all seemed urgent, like a book i could not put down. everything started to look as important as it had always felt to me. and that is what has hit me so strikingly recently: that a picture for me starts with a feeling. i don't always go around mesmerized by lines and light. sometimes, i am so lost in my own heart, my kids, my worries, beautiful words and songs, that my eyes are open on the inside instead. but that is how it works, and i embrace it. and when i do finally look up, i cannot bear the beauty.
sometimes many days go by without picking up a camera. in my family, we need the balance, we need the living in between, the flow. and this year, i am going to be especially careful to respect that halo around them. to ask permission, and to do it less, but with even more love and attentiveness, like a meditation. with all the feeling in me. they are the source of this spring that allows me to do what i love. i want to be ready when they need me; i want to be ready when it sweeps me away. i hope you will too, in your own lives. because your truth is the most beautiful thing, and only you can tell it.
may your new year be filled with openness, peace, love, and light.